It Truly is a Miracle

This is a poem I wrote after listening to the song "I still Standing" by Mindy McCready. I was deeply touched by the words and I realized I have been addicted to many things in my life including my fertility. I was addicted to the suffering, the confusion, the pain, the sadness.  I have come a long way in the last 9 years of fertility. I am here to tell you that it doesn't have to be so hard. I am here to inspire you to take a different path. I am not saying it won't be difficult but you have the ability to transform your experience of fertility by using the tools I have shared throughout my blog. It is not enough for me to want it for you. You need to choose to use these tools each and every day so that you can return to living your life. Remember, life is occurring NOW! 

I invite you to see your fertility path as a journey of self discovery. I know you can find peace along the way. You will discover gifts throughout and I invite you to practice gratitude. Be grateful for those times where you had a breakthrough or a realization that changed your life. No matter what happens on your journey, no matter where you land...you can either let it knock you down and beat you up, or you can walk the path with courage, faith and trust so that in the end you can be standing tall.

My fertility journey saved my life and for that I am forever grateful. I am here today to help inspire and empower you by sharing my own life experiences. My journey has been a true miracle in my life and I am so honored to be able to inspire you through your journey. Every moment of my past has allowed me to grow into the woman I am today. I would not change a thing. You have the ability to overcome any obstacle. You have the power within to move mountains just as much as I do! I believe in you!I will hold faith for you until you believe as much as I do!

Click here to hear the song that inspired my poem below.This poem is about my entire life including the pain through my early years of fertility.

It truly is a miracle

By Sue Dumais

It truly is a miracle

that I am here and standing tall

I lost myself completely

 I got caught up in it all

My life was full of pain

Suffering was all I knew

I did all I could to numb it out

but through it all I grew

Through all the pain I found my way

And came out the other side

Through the darkness I found the light

There was no where left to hide

As I woke up from my dream of pain

I realized I had a choice

To continue on this destructive path

Or to hear my inner voice

It whispers to me constantly

Encouraging me to see

The unlimited potential

And the greatest within Me

When I look back at the life I lived

There were miracles all around

It amazes me to be standing here

With two feet on the ground

The path I chose for all those years

Was a struggle everyday

If I had continued to walk that path

I wouldn’t be here to say

You deserve a life that’s full of joy

You deserve to have it all

The joy is deep within you

It will hold you when you fall

In every moment you have a choice

To choose love or to choose fear

Embrace your greatness, expand your heart

Peace is always near.

Surrounding yourself with Support

I understand how isolating your fertility journey may seem. It is difficult to share with others for fear of judgment or perhaps out of fear of how they will respond. Unless people have had a personal experience with fertility chances are they won't "get it". Isolating yourself will only shut yourself off from the love and support you need during this challenging time.

I often suggest to clients that they find someone in their life that they believe would be a good support. Someone they believe they can trust and someone who can listen deeply without judgment. Reflect on the people in your life and see if you can think of someone that you feel would be able to support you. I want you to consider someone outside your relationship.

Once you have thought of someone before you talk to them I want to you clearly identify what you need from them. Do you just need them to listen? Are you looking for someone who can hug you or comfort you? What don't you need from them? If you could have the support you need at this time, what would that look like? How would it feel to have the support you need? Put your answers in writing. Clearly state what you need from the other person.

Before you open up about your challenges I suggest you share what you need from them first.
Here is a example: "I am about to tell you something that has been very challenging for me. What I need most is for you to listen. It may be hard for you to understand because most people who haven't lived through this don't really get it. I don't need your advice or for you to try and help me fix it. I just need someone that can support me by hearing me. Can you do that for me?"

If they say yes, they share a little bit of your fertility journey with them and see how it feels for you. Share as long as you feel safe. It will feel scary and uncomfortable at first especially if you haven't really talked about it with others but it will become a little easier. The hardest part is to begin.

I would suggest sharing this article as well so that others can have a better understanding of fertility challenges. It is filled with suggestions of what to say and what not to say when talking about fertility. Share it as much as you like. Pass it on to others that you believe would benefit from reading it.
Proper Etiquette When Speaking About Fertility

If you can't think of someone in your life that you can trust to share then I suggest you look for a support group in your area. Visit www.iaac.ca for Fertility Support Groups across Canada and http://www.resolve.org for the US. There is so much more online support these days through online chat rooms, message boards etc. Be sure to surround yourself with positive environments of support. Some chat rooms will be full of negative experiences that may make you feel worse.

Fertility Yoga classes can be much like a yoga support group. It is comforting to walk in the room and realize you are not alone. To find a class in your area visit www.yogaforfertilityresources.com 

Although there are times when you may feel misunderstood or isolated, I assure you that you are not alone! Reach out for support in whatever way you can. Please remember that I am always here to support you!

A New Path is Revealed

My husband and I met with an adoption agency on Wednesday morning to discuss our options regarding African adoption. I was so nervous and anxious going to the appointment and at the same time excited to learn more. It was the first step toward fulfilling my dream and following my heart.

I believe the fear and anxiety was related to making the commitment. I know when I set my mind to something it is as good as done. While I have been really drawn to the idea of adopting my daughter from Africa when it comes right down to it, I realize it is a huge commitment. I am not only speaking about the financial commitment I am also referring to the time, energy, dedication, paperwork, etc etc. There is so much to consider especially with international adoption. I am being realistic and open to this new adventure. I am not sure where this road will lead but I am excited about taking the first step.

Since our appointment we have more questions and hope to speak to other families who have successfully adopted a child from Africa so we can prepare ourselves the best we can. Of course there is no way to prepare for everything that will land on our path, at least we can gather as much information as possible so we will have more tools along the way.

After our appointment I was really excited then gradually throughout the day the reality of our financial picture kicked in and my stress level went through the roof. I felt pressure to change it immediately. I wanted it all to go away so it didn't feel like an obstacle anymore. My stomach and intestines were churning. My upper limit kicked in with "worry" (see previous blog post Have You Mastered the Art of Self Sabotage?) Luckily I had an acupuncture appointment that afternoon so that helped but it wasn't until I spoke to my husband that I felt relieved of the discomfort completely. I realized I tend to put so much pressure on myself to be able to make it happen. I suddenly took it all on that I had to make it happen. I forgot that my husband would be able to help. As we were speaking I was in Child's Pose to help ease my stomach. I suddenly realized that I don't have to do this all alone. In fact, my husband is interested in doing this with me. It was comforting and the thought of doing this together immediately eased my anxiety and my symptoms disappeared.

I realized how often I isolate myself from him. Throughout our fertility journey I forgot that he was having his experience as well. I am not alone and I have never been alone! He is always there for me no matter what. Even when he doesn't understand, he is always there to comfort me, to listen, to hold me and to love me with his whole heart. It is me who withdraws or closes myself to his love. It is a process of awareness and letting go of my old patterns and this was just another opportunity to heal and let go.

I am excited about our path to explore adoption because I really feel he can be a more active participant. Not that he wasn't before but for the most part it was my body and my health that I was focusing on. Now it feels like I can take the pressure off me and focus my energy on being the healthiest I can be without the pressure of having to get my body to a point where it can support a pregnancy. I am not sure if my body can handle a pregnancy and perhaps it never will be able to. I am ok with that. I have found peace with the idea that my daughter will come to me through another path.

As I listen to that soft loving voice saying "come this way" it is leading me toward adoption. My husband asked me why I was so interested in Africa instead of local adoption or another country. I cannot explain it in words. It is a feeling I have deep in my heart. A voice that whispers to me guiding me toward my daughter. I am not attached to the path I take. I am being guided and I am willing to let my path reveal itself. At this time it is clear my path is leading me to Africa.

In the last few days I have asked the universe for someone to help guide me, mentor me and inspire me the way I inspire my clients. I am deeply grateful to have found an incredible mentor that will support me through the next year. I will keep you posted. For now I will share that I see my life transforming. I will go from climbing a mountain to moving mountains. I am honored to be mentored by this incredible team of individuals that I know will help me reach beyond anything I could ever possibly dream of.

I only have the privilege of seeing a glimpse of what is ahead of me and I am so excited! I am stepping onto an exciting new path that I know will change my life forever and at the same time inspire all those around me who bear witness. Doors are opening in directions I didn't expect and I am so deeply grateful! My heart is full of love and gratitude as I write these words. I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you.
Namaste

Fertility Yoga Teacher Training - Live Webinar - Is it for You?

I developed my Fertility Yoga Teacher Training course because I was receiving emails and calls from women all over the world looking for support. They were reaching out and yearning for a sense of belonging and community through their fertility challenges. It broke my heart each time I had to tell them that I didn't know of anyone in their area and that the chances of them finding a class were slim.

I was the first instructor in Canada to begin to teaching Yoga for Fertility classes and I witnessed so many miracles over the years that I felt compelled to share my experiences and knowlegde. I am not looking to fill up this course with just anyone. I am looking for individuals who have a deep calling to teach Fertility Yoga or have a personal experience with fertility. Perhaps you are someone who is currently experiencing your own fertility challenges and would like to take this course to help you heal personally while developing your skills to support others through their fertility challenges.

I have given birth to this course, it is one of my babies and I am looking for others that will take the material and healing experience and spread the love and support to others all around the world.

If something within you is ignited by my words then I invite you to visit my website for more information or contact me to find out more. I know there are others out there that are ready to bear witness to the miracles and community that Fertility Yoga classes offer.

Next Live Webinar is on Apr 24th & 25th 

For more information visit www.familypassages.ca

To find a Fertility Yoga class in your area visit www.yogaforfertilityresources.com 

Have you Mastered the Art of Self Sabotage?

I picked up the book The Big Leap again to read because I know that my inability to receive love fully is related to an upper limit problem. I read it in November and this book changed my life. Most of my life has been based on self sabotaging behaviors. It is a very familiar pattern and in fact, I believe I truly mastered the art of self sabotage.

In the book Gay Hendricks talks about how each of us have internal thermostats established early in our lives, many during childhood. You have an internal thermostat for everything such as love, happiness, abundance, joy, trust etc. My internal thermostat for joy and happiness is set very low. I was a very serious child with a lot of worries. I worried about my Mom having to take care of us 3 children, I worried about my brother and sister fighting and wished they would just be friends, I worried about money and decided I would get a job as soon as possible to help out. I worried about everything and I became more and more serious as I grew up.

When I live within the lower range of my internal thermostat for joy and happiness it is comfortable only because it is familiar. It is what I know well. As I reach beyond my upper limit and begin to feel more joy than I am used to feeling, I become afraid because it is unfamiliar and I feel unsafe. When I am above my upper limit for a period of time I will eventually subconsciously sabotage myself in order to bring myself back into my zone of comfort or familiarity.

What I noticed about receiving love fully especially from someone who I care deeply about, it was above exceeding my upper limit for love. Now don't get me wrong I was certainly loved as a child but as I grew up I started to believe that I didn't deserve love. I wasn't good enough to deserve the love of others so I would shut them out. Not always entirely but enough that I could remain within the lower range of my internal thermostat for love.

In the early years of my fertility journey I isolated myself even more from friends and family. I felt misunderstood. I was confused and shut my heart down. I became distant and my relationships were more on the surface which felt safe at that time. Since opening the studio I have been able to feel more love and express more love but there is part of me that is still afraid and feels unsafe when my heart is too wide open. Over the years I have been able to open it more and more and inch my way up, pushing my upper limit. When I exceed my upper limit I can only stay there for short periods of time before fear creeps in. When the fear shows up I will subconsciously self sabotage. I notice my self sabotaging behavior more and more since reading The Big Leap. My most common self sabotaging behaviors are "blame & criticism" and "worry".

I have written many times about the 3 A's and the process for change. The fist A is Awareness. Awareness is the first key to break this cycle so for the last couple of weeks I have been observing my patterns. In my last blog post I talked about allowing my emotions so I can move through them and not suppress them. I used a process called the emotional scale along with the second key to change which is Acceptance. Now it is time to take Action.

When I notice my heart is closed (awareness) I practice acceptance. I make peace with it so that there is no room for blame or criticism. Now I make a different choice. I consciously choose a different behavior. So in the next few days if my husband reaches out to hug me. I will stop what I am doing, no matter what, and receive his hug fully. I will imagine my heart open wide and allow his love to reach me. Although at first it may feel uncomfortable at times, I need to break through this upper limit. I told my husband that I am not willing to let past hurt come between us. My relationship means to much to me. It is time to break this cycle I have seen it play out over and over again in the last 9 years. I am ready to breakthrough this upper limit. I am ready to open my heart fully to give and receive love in all areas of my life including my family.

I encourage you to pick up the book The Big Leap and begin to create awareness about your upper limits and self sabotaging behaviors. If you have questions feel free to post it under comments. I am here to help you expand into your full potential. You are not alone! Let's do it together.

Understanding & Allowing Your Emotions

Yesterday was a challenging day. After writing in my blog I felt very nervous and agitated. I knew I had put it out there and I could not "not" deal with it. Remember this was something I have been struggling with for most of my life so it would be easy to pretend it wasn't really an issue and go on with my day. Writing about it made it real. It made me need to face it head on. Needless to say yesterday was an emotional day.

I experienced many different layers of emotions and by the end of the day I was frustrated, irritated, impatient and angry. Knowing what I do about the emotional scale I was able to allow those emotions to move through me with acceptance. I didn't need to change or deny them, I just needed to make peace and allow them so I could move beyond them.

Let me first explain the emotional scale. I learned about the emotional scale by studying the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. I also learned in my coaching course that anger is healthy as long as it is expressed in a positive way. The negative expression of anger is through violence, which can be physical or emotional abuse. Society teaches us that anger is negative and that we "shouldn't be angry". When you look at the emotional scale you will realize why it is vital to find a healthy way to feel and express your anger.

This is the emotional scale from the Teachings of Abraham-Hicks.
 The Emotional Guidance Scale

1.	Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
2.	Passion
3.	Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4.	Positive Expectation/Belief
5.	Optimism
6.	Hopefulness
7.	Contentment
8.	Boredom
9.	Pessimism
10.	Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11.	Overwhelment
12.	Disappointment
13.	Doubt
14.	Worry
15.	Blame
16.	Discouragement
17.	Anger
18.	Revenge
19.	Hatred/Rage
20.	Jealousy
21.	Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22.	Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

From the book “Ask and It is Given”, pg. 114

Your goal is to help yourself go from the lower/bottom of the scale (negative emotions) to the upper part of the scale (positive emotions).

1. The first step is creating awareness. First identify where you are on the scale. How do you feel right now? You may need to look at the emotions on the scale to help you identify your feelings.
2. Acceptance: make peace with how you feel right now. This is what keeps most people stuck. They judge or deny how they are feeling. So by the end of yesterday I was feeling angry and I was ok with it. I don't like to feel anger but I knew I was moving from powerlessness and fear up to anger. So I made peace with the anger and allowed space for it to be. I knew if I accepted it that I would shift up the scale. If I was to judge myself for being angry I would have moved back down the scale to powerlessness.
3. Action: when using the emotional scale to shift from negative emotions to more positive emotions it is important to realize that moving from fear to joy and happiness is a real stretch. So I always reach for a thought that feels like relief from where I am. For example: "I am feeling angry and it's ok, I know I just need to allow myself time to move through this and I will feel better. It can be frustrating because I have all these tools I should be able to move but I know it is only temporary. I am where I am and it's ok." That was part of my process yesterday as I moved between anger and frustration/irritation.

I highly recommend the book Ask and It Is Given by Abraham-Hicks. I have pasted the link and photo of the book at the beginning for a quick reference for you.

I feel so much better today. I feel lighter. I picture my healing process like the layers of an onion. I healed a very difficult layer yesterday and usually from here it gets easier and easier as I go through the other layers. Healing the past does not have to be as painful as the original trauma, in fact, sometimes it can be as easy as changing your mind about something.

I will write more in the next few days. I wanted to give you this piece first so that you could sort out how you are feeling by using the emotional scale. Remember just by being witness and reading my blog you have already begun to heal yourself.

I have as much faith in you and I do in me to get beyond any life obstacle!

Is your heart wide open?

In the last few weeks my heart has opened wider than ever. Comments from friends, colleagues and even people I have never met before have be pouring in surrounding me with encouragement and love as I take this next path on my fertility journey. Some days were so overwhelming that I had to really focus on breathing and receiving. My heart was so full of joy that I thought it would burst. It was in that experience of pure joy and love and it warmed me from the inside. I felt like I was glowing and tears of joy would pour down my cheeks as I read each comment and email.

On my way home on those particular days where I felt so full and I was excited to share it with my husband. Shortly after I would walk through the door I would feel my heart close a bit and some days shut down. I have seen myself do this before so I was curious at first. What I realized was that it felt unsafe to have my heart open that wide while in the presence of someone I loved so deeply. I started to reflect on repetitive patterns when I would open my heart and when I would shut down.

I recognized that every time I travel away from my husband and family I would open my heart and send emails full of loving messages. I would feel a deeper connection when I was away from those I love and I couldn't wait to see them again. Yet once I arrived home in the presence of their love I would shut down my heart again. It hit me after the Team Northrup Retreat where I was surrounded by joy, love and beauty all weekend and my heart was open wide in the presence of my tribe. I noticed the contrast shortly after I arrived home. I was curious why I could open my heart with my Team Northrup tribe but not in my own home.

After speaking to a few friends about it I discovered that I am not the only one that shuts down their heart in the presence of those they love and care about. I began to notice people in social media that I know well and I would see their hearts open fully in their writing, blogging, facebook comments or tweets. Yet I know in their life they have trouble opening their heart fully. Was it the distance or computer that created a perception of safety? Why can someone feel safe enough to open their heart fully while online through social media and then shut down when in the presence of another?

I have been curiously exploring that behaviour for me in the last couple of weeks and this is what I discovered. My heart is fully open with my clients at the studio, through social media, by email and sometimes by phone especially if someone is not in the same city as me. My heart shuts down with my Mother (who is staying with me), my husband and other family members and close friends. Why do I feel "unsafe" to open my heart fully in those circumstances? I discovered a deep seeded fear of being "hurt" by someone who I love. This reaction feels like it is coming from so deep within me and it feels more like survival instincts. It is not only unsafe it is life threatening.

While I have developed the ability to feel safe in my writing, through my articles, blogs, newsletters and even in my Fertility Support Group and at the studio with clients. I open my heart and share my story, my feelings and my life so openly so that I can heal while I inspire others to heal as well. I discovered that the safest place for me to do that is through social media. I have surrounded myself with like-minded individuals who inspire and empower me to open my heart fully to receive and to give all that I am capable of. I use the safety of my studio and social media to express myself and share the deepest part of me. I am grateful for this media because it has allowed me to open my heart wider than ever. At least now I know what it feels like to experience full joy and pure love. It is in the contrast when I arrive home that I came to realize this pattern. I realize now that it is in my family that I am most vulnerable and afraid to open up fully.

 With all the tools I have in my tool box I am sure there is something in there that can help be breakthrough this self destructive behaviour. It is self destructive because not only and I denying my deep love for others I am denying myself the love they have for me. There is a part of me that feels undeserving but the real fear is of being hurt. I am committed to changing this behaviour in my life. It keeps me from experiencing pure joy in all areas of my life. It keeps me shut off from the full experience of love and in turn shuts me off from living fully. Earlier in my fertility journey my heart shut down completely and I realize many of you out there may be experiencing the isolation. I have come a long way on my fertility journey and I hope you will join me in breaking this cycle.

If you can relate to my words I would love to hear your comments. Together we can explore this deep seeded survival instinct and breakthrough the cycle that holds us imprisoned in a life without pure love and joy. You deserve it as much as I do. Let's do this together. Stay tuned in the next few weeks and together we will move through this. Perhaps that is why I am writing this blog. To recruit your love and support as I guide all of us safely through this process of letting go of past hurts and opening our hearts fully to the love we all deserve.

We can do it!

With much love and appreciation to each of you for being witness to my healing path. You give me strength and inspiration each and every day!

Namaste, Sue

Where do you go from here?

No one else in the world will truly understand what you are going through. Others may relate or have similar experiences if they have dealt with their own fertility challenges, but they won’t truly understand. For example, I have an idea of the challenges women and couples face and I understand how difficult it can be. I have experienced the ups and downs, highs and lows so I “get it. While I understand the challenges I can never truly understand the depth of your fertility journey and the effects it has had on your life. No one in the world except you and only you know how fertility has affected your life and even you won’t fully grasp it at times.

I have created a safe place for women to come and express their worries, challenges, fears and hopes in their fertility journey. I open my heart fully to listen, to be witness and surround each client with love as they explore the depth of this emotional journey. I listen with my heart without judgment. I empower women by giving them an opportunity to express their regrets of the past, their challenges in the present and their fears and hopes for the future. The healings that occur are miraculous. At the same time there are others that are just not ready to look at their life, they are not ready to heal, let go and move forward. Again I hold space for where they are and gently encourage them to explore their fears and obstacles. I have no expectations only gently compassionate guidance and love. Some will move while others will not. It is not up to me, it is up to them.

There will be others in the world that will have opinions about what you are doing in your life. Family, friends and even strangers will have their thoughts about what you should and shouldn’t do. There are people out there that will tell you that if conception doesn’t happen naturally then “you should face the fact that you are not meant to have children”. There are people that believe using artificial reproductive techniques is wrong and that you are working against nature. There are people out there that believe you are selfish and should adopt a child in need because there are so many children needing a home. At the same time there are people out there that believe adoption is wrong. There are so many opinions in the world it is difficult to know who to listen to. Who can really tell you what is best for you? How do you know who to listen to?

I am here to tell you that I have no idea what is best for you and neither does anyone else in the world. There is no one anywhere in the world that can tell you what you need to do. No one else has walked in your shoes. No one else has lived your life experiences. No one else will ever truly understand you, because this is your life, your unique experience; this is YOUR fertility journey. YOU and only you can know what is best for YOU. Only you can decide which path to take and when. Only you can decide who to see for help or assistance. Only you can know in you heart what is best for you!

While I encourage you to gather information, at the same time I encourage you to listen with your heart and I encourage you to follow your inner guidance/intuition. Your head will confuse you but your heart is your Truth. While you can respect and listen to the opinions and advice of others, ultimately it is your decision. When you make decisions from that deep place of knowing, nothing else matters. Your heart, your decision, your path, your fertility. That is all that matters!