Feeling Connected Again

As I bring awareness to my fears about pregnancy and motherhood I am feeling lighter every day. I am truly ready to focus on preparing my mind body and soul for a baby, however he/she may come. In my meditation each morning I have been connecting with my spirit baby again. I was afraid to invite her in for a couple of weeks. The cloud of fear has interfered with my ability to hear and feel her presence.

Interestingly I discovered that I have another spirit baby around me. He is very shy and quiet. He doesn't have much to say at this time but I sense his gratitude when I invite him into my heart. A colleague recently spoke about the heart being the first womb and the uterus being the second. That really made sense to me because I always encourage my participants to invite their baby to be into their heart so they can experience a deep heart connection to their baby to be. I will continue to connect with both my spirit babies and see where I am guided. I have no expectations and choose to surround myself with lots of trust and faith.

After all, life is the adventure we signed up for. We can resist it and suffer, or we can go with the flow and ride the wave. Every challenge, obstacle or trigger in your life is an opportunity to heal a deeper part of yourself. It all starts within you. You have the ability to transform your experience of your fertility journey. You have the wisdom and power within to change how you look at the challenges that show up on your path. You can see this journey differently and when you do, you will find peace.

Excited about spreading the word

I am looking forward to going to Toronto and Calgary in April to offer Yoga for Fertility Instructor Training and Fitness Fertility Specialist Certification courses.

About 8 years ago when my fertility journey began there was very little support available and I struggled to find healthy and natural ways to enhance my fertility. Thankfully I was teaching yoga and I found an acupuncturist that focused on women's health. Both of which I believe helped me conceive my son.

When I first starting teaching Yoga for Fertility classes I discovered right away the healing power it gave women. Dealing with fertility challenges is often a very isolating journey. The moment women sit down in the class, they look around and feel a sense of relief and belonging. They realize they are not alone. I have created a healing community for women and couples where they can safely explore the ups and downs of their fertility journey. I have seen these classes transform their experience from one of desparation and confusion to one of hope, faith and trust. It is almost like turning on a light switch. Turning them on to another way of living through fertility. It moves me so deeply and I am honoured to be witness to their transformation.

I have a vision of Yoga for Fertility classes being available all over the world. A vision of creating a community of support for clients in every area. It has already begun to expand. There are now Yoga for Fertility classes in Ontario, New York, BC and soon Calgary. I am but one pebble thrown in the water that creates a ripple effect that just keeps expanding. When I set my mind to something and believe it with my whole heart, anything is possible.

I have given birth to my vision now I just need to continue to nurture it as it expands and grows. My next vision is aligning my mind, body and soul to conceive my baby. She is close. She is ready. Now I can step back and begin to channel my creative energy toward my own conception. I am close. I am ready!

Poem - My Process

Holding back tears

Confused

I have been here before


Riding with resistance

Afraid

I know this path all to well


Fighting constantly

Exhausted

When will it end?


Dissolving the Fear

Relief

I feel better


Embracing Love

Warmth

Something new is emerging


Follow my guidance

Peace

Anything is possible

What others are saying...

I just finished writing an article yesterday for Creating Families Magazine about Proper Etiquette when speaking to someone about fertility. I created a list of common responses or comments that often feel hurtful and insensitive. I gave a list of suggested responses that feel more supported. It is amazing how one word or comment can carry so much meaning. In my support group on Friday we discussed hurtful comments and how much others just don't "get it". Although I am still determined to increase awareness about fertility and help others understand the depth of the emotional journey, I realized that perhaps my energy should be placed more on helping women and men struggling with fertility shift perspective about other peoples comments.

Here are my suggestions:
When someone says something that triggers you (you feel hurt, disappointed or misunderstood) begin to look at it as an opportunity to heal a deeper part of yourself. It is no longer about them, it is about you. Stop and reflect on what they said or did that affected you. What meaning did you place on their words or actions? For example, if someone says "why don't you just adopt?", what did you make that mean?
Common thoughts may be:
"No one believes I can do it"
"Everyone thinks I might as well just give up"
"I am a failure"

This simple but powerful awareness exercise is where you take your power back. You cannot control others comments or actions, but you can change your perception or thoughts about what they said or did. You can do this at anytime. It doesn't have to be in the moment but you must be willing to look at it. Let me break it down for you.

1. What did they say or do? eg. a pregnant women was rubbing her belly while talking to me

2. What did I make it mean? What thought came from you? eg. she is rubbing it in my face, that I am not pregnant and she is

3. Is my thought true? eg. no I am focusing on what I don't have and I feel jealous

4. Accept where you are. eg "I am feeling jealous and it is ok." or "I am where I am and it's ok."

5. Find a thought that feels like relief. eg. I have the ability to shift my thoughts, it is not really about her.

6. Forgive yourself and the other to let it go. eg. "She is not doing it to make be feel bad, I forgive her. I heard many other women in my situation have thoughts of jealousy. I forgive myself for feeling jealous.

7. Shift your perspective. eg "How can I look at this differently? I can be a Mother and one way or another it will happen" or "What can I do to support myself? I will take a hot bath tonight and more time to relax and reflect"

I use this sequence often throughout my day. It becomes easier and easier. There may be times that under certain circumstances your trigger is deep and you may need some additional support to process your feelings. Turn to your partner, friend or family to help you process it. If you still need help find a counselor or life coach to help you. You are more than welcome to email me or post a comment.

You don't need to go through this alone. We are all in this together and I believe in each and every one of you!
Namaste,
Sue

Recommended Reading

A client brought in a book that she was reading and after class offered to read an insert from it. Everyone in the class really appreciated the message. I wanted to share it with you. Hugs! Sue

Mind Body Fertility Connection
By: James Schwartz

"The fertility journey is about much more than bringing children into the world. It can be a pathway to personal discovery as we challenge ourselves to heal the old wounds and experiences that have been holding us back in life. It can be the achievement of wellness and balance of mind, body, and spirit. It can be a bridge to enlightenment as we learn to let go, be in harmony with the natural world, and embrace our connection with the universe. Any healing we do for ourselves, regardless of the issue, becomes a gift to future generations, as children learn by observing our behavior every moment they are in our presence. The healing we do creates a ripple effect, because our power and influence is felt by everyone around us.

The fertility journey is about learning to love and honor ourselves, standing in our power, choosing to nurture ourselves with wholesome foods and positive thoughts, building loving relationships, having patience, accepting the imperfections of life, practicing forgiveness, bravely facing our fears, and letting go of all the stuff in our lives that does not support our higher vision of motherhood."

New puppies have arrived

My dog Brittany gave birth to 3 puppies on Saturday. I was her birth doula. I helped her deliver the first 2 pups which were quite large. The second one was breach and stuck. I had to help ease the puppy out. It took a while and I know it stressed the puppy. As I removed the placental sac I realized he wasn't breathing. I rub him with a towel to stimulate a response to breath. He would occassionally gasp for a breath of air. I begin to give him some breaths by doing mouth to nose (by the way, I used to work at a vet hospital). I felt his heart strengthen and he began to breath on his own. It was a very rewarding experience and I was grateful to have been an active witness to bringing new life into this world. My heart was filled with warmth and love.

This is the second litter that my dog has had in the last 3 years. It reminded me of how much time has passed that my husband and I have been open to conceive another child. So much has happened in our relationship and our fertility has really been at the core of everything. Well at least it is at the core of everything I do. I am surrounded by fertility - personally and professionally. It is such an incredible path. It has transformed me in ways I can't even begin to put words to. Amongst the days of heartache there are many more days of celebration. I am honoured to participate in the celebration of new life, it warms my heart and soul. It would be great if I could wave my magic wand and make all my clients pregnant but I know that is not for me to decide. I am here to help them discover their path toward parenthood, to encourage them to find meaning on their fertility journey and give them tools so they can live each day with a sense of peace. I am here to hold faith for them on the days when their faith and hope fades. To remind them that they can be a mother or a father and if they are willing to walk this path, I will remain by their side, reminding them to continue to follow their inner guide. When they begin to listen to the voice of their soul, their path becomes clear and miracles happen.

Need your perspective

I am hoping you could help me see another perspective on something that has been challenging me. I was asked recently by my Naturopathic Physician what I was willing to do to get pregnant. I immediately noticed some resistance to her question. As I explored my resistance deeper I could see Fear. On some level I am still afraid to get pregnant because part of me doubts that I can support my fertility clients if I am pregnant. I remember about 6 years ago when I had been trying to conceive for a least 1 year with no luck, a good friend of mine told me she was pregnant. I felt a deep surge of jealousy and my reponse was "get out!" and I pushed her - yes just like Elaine from Seinfeld. I felt ashamed that I responded that way and immediately gave her a hug and said congratulations. My response today is very different. I am genuinely celebrating with women when they share news of their pregnancy but I know many of my clients feel like I did 6 years ago when they hear about a pregnancy or birth. Some women have expressed that it is easier to celebrate with women who have struggled to become pregnant and that it gives them a sense of hope - a belief that it is possible for them too. While others have shared that no matter who it is, they don't like to see, hear or know about pregnancies. I help women see another perspective in those situations. The coach in me knows that if I were to get pregnant and continue to work with my fertility clients that the learning and lessons that would occur are exactly what each client would need. Still there is that fertility client in me that doubts and worries. I would love to hear your comments. How would you feel coming to a Yoga for Fertility class and seeing a pregnant instructor? Be honest!

Ghana here I come

I had a conversation with my husband on the weekend and he agreed that when our financial picture looks differently, I could begin the adoption process for Ghana. I know we have a ways to go but at least he is now on board with the idea of international adoption. I have found this new sense of trust that when the time is right to begin the process, the money will be there. As long as I continue to follow my heart and do what I am passionate about doing, the money will come. I lived most of my life believing that when it came to money "there was never enough money, you can always do more". This left me making poor financial choices, self sabotaging investments and living cheque to cheque. I was a workaholic much like my mother. My mother raised 3 children on her own with no financial support so you can imagine that we definitely struggled. She worked hard and often had 2 jobs at one time. I got my first job in grade nine feeling like I needed to try and support myself as much as possible to take the burden off of her. Money has never really felt like a friend, more like an evil entity. The last couple of years I have been actively working on shifting my beliefs about money. It is a deep seeded belief so it has taken some time to shift but it is definitely coming. I feel lighter and I can genuinely surround myself with the energy of abundance. Not only an abundance of money, but an abundance of love, peace and happiness as well.

I look forward to bringing my daughter home from Ghana. She is at home in my heart and I feel like I am in the gestational period. I am not sure if it will be only 9 months but it is a beginning. If I follow my inner guidance I trust and know it will happen when it is meant to. Now that I know it is possible, as a Mother, I will stop at nothing to make it happen.

Interesting Response to a Stressor

My website and email server is down and has been for the last 18 hours. Normally I would be calling every couple of hours to see what the progress is and questioning when everything would be back online. I would feel completely frustrated and worried that people couldn't reach me or find our website. It is amazing how dependent we have become on email and the internet. I had moments of small panic yesterday but they were small moments with slight disturbances of my peace. Times when I noticed the anxiety or worry I would ask for healing and ask to see it differently. One time my phone rang within a few minutes after asking to see it differently. It was a client that I had emailed several times over the last month to check in. She was trying to respond to my email but was unable to so she decided to call instead. It was great to hear her voice and to talk in person. I was grateful for the connection and conversation. There are times when situations occur in our lives that can easily create anxiety and frustration. The moment you feel and become aware of the anxiety and frustration you have the ability to shift it. Begin with your thoughts and if that doesn't work get into your body. Lie on your back and imagine shaking it off - I mean literally shake your arms and legs. Life is occurring around us and in each moment we have a choice how we respond. Even when our response is a deep subconscious trigger, the moment we have awareness, we can accept what is and find a way to shift it. You deserve to live a life with inner peace. The times where you don't feel peace are opportunities to become aware, accept and take action to bring yourself back to peace.

Past or present?

In many of my private yoga therapy sessions with clients there is a release of past trauma. Sometimes we need to know what it is about because we have something to learn from it in the present moment. Other times it is just negative energy impacting our health, our fertility and even our ability to love. Past hurts can often interfere with our ability to love in our present day relationships. I know for me personally I have been working on opening my heart to receive love from my husband and others. Although it is getting easier because I am making a conscious effort to remain open, I still have days where the fear comes in and closes my heart. Loving with my whole heart still feels overwhelming at times because my heart chakra (energy center) was closed down for such a long time. I remember writing poems about losing a piece of my heart or that someone took a piece of me when they hurt me. Today I realize no one can ever "hurt me", I can only choose to feel hurt by what they do or say. I can take my personal power back and I know now that no one has the power to "hurt me". Times when I do feel hurt really has nothing to do with that person. It has to do with how I feel about myself. What thought about myself makes what another person says or does to me affect me this way? It is my thoughts that create feelings of hurt, shame or guilt. Something I read in Dr. Wayne Dyers book "The Wisdom of the Tao" helped me shift my worry and fear of others judging me. The jist of it was, what other people think of me is none of my business. A sense of freedom and power came over me instantly. It doesn't matter what others think of me, in fact, it is none of my business. The pressure was lifted instantly. I cannot feel judgment of others if I don't fear their judgment. My work is in releasing all self judgment and freeing myself from my own negative thoughts about me. I practice non-judgment of self and others. We weren't born judging others, we learned this behaviour and I know we can unlearn it. Whenever you have a thought of judgment acknowledge it, release it to the universe and ask for healing. In asking for healing you are essentially practicing acceptance (without further judgment) and forgiving yourself for having those thoughts. A feeling of peace will follow. Practice this technique and you will begin to notice just how often you have thoughts of judgment. Remember to be patient with yourself. You could easily judge and condemn yourself further. This an exercise in awareness, acceptance and forgiveness.

"Examining the past can help clarify many of our problems, but healing doesn't occur in the past. It occurs in the present. There is practically a mania these days for blaming the events of our childhood for our current despair. What the ego doesn't want us to see is that our pain doesn't come from the love we weren't given in the past, but from the love we ourselves aren't giving in the present. Salvation is only found in the present. Every moment we have a chance to change our past and our future by reprogramming the present."

— Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles