Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What is your pain really trying to tell you?

After reading some of Dr. Bruce Lipton's book Biology of Belief I wanted to share some of my insights. He talks about the subconscious thoughts that dictate most of our decisions and actions. We basically operate from the thoughts that we don't "hear" in our conscious mind. Our subconscious mind makes up about 95% of our thoughts each day. The majority of the subconscious thoughts are repeated over and over again like a tape playing in our heads that we no longer "hear" because on some level we believe them to be true.

All pain or discomfort stems from a thought. The thought can be conscious (what we hear ourselves saying in our head) or subconscious (what we don't "hear"). Each time I feel discomfort in my physical body I ask what thought created this discomfort and I open space in my mind for an answer. I have had this discomfort in my lower belly for a few weeks now and with my menstrual cycle came a great deal of back pain while I was meditating yesterday.

I was participating in a healing workshop called Spiritual Development lead by my soul sister, friend and Life Coach, Lisa Windsor. The meditation lasted about a 1/2 hour. My back was screaming at me and I wasn't willing to look at it. There was so much fear about looking at the thoughts associated with the pain that I was doing anything to avoid it. Finally one of the women in the group came over and placed her hands on my head. At first it was comforting and suddenly I had an image of being held up by my neck and shaken violently. The pain along my spine was intensified. There was so much anger around me and my thoughts were "why are you so angry with me, I didn't do anything wrong, why are you so angry with me?" playing over and over in my head. I broke down and cried, hanging my head in fear, trying to protect myself from the violence.

I was encouraged to lie down on my back and Lisa placed a blanket over me. With the love and support of the women surrounding me I explored my fear a little deeper. I was holding it in my right hip, pelvis (mostly in my uterus) and all the way up and down my spine. As I went a little deeper I realized I hated being a child. My childhood for the most part was so painful - physically and emotionally. I couldn't wait to grow up and although I have made peace with my past I absolutely wouldn't want to do it all over again.

The hidden belief I discovered from that healing session was that I wouldn't want any child to have to go through all the pain and suffering I endured as a child. How could I bring a baby into this world only to have them experience the pain I did as a child? No wonder I haven't gotten pregnant. Would any Mother knowingly put her child in a situation where she was certain there would be pain and suffering. WOW! What an "AHA moment".

After realizing the thoughts associated with my pain it suddenly disappeared. I felt warmth and space fill the areas as the pain melted away as if it was never there. I felt a sense of peace and love. I invited my spirit baby in and she eagerly snuggled into my womb. I surrounded her with love and let her know that I believe in her strength and I know that no matter what she faces in this physical life that she will be "ok" just as I am "ok" today. Every experience provides an opportunity to learn. I learned from my experience yesterday that I know my baby is coming to me - one way or another. I know that if she is not born in my physical body that she will be born in my heart. I know that if I can't be there to protect her when she arrives in this physical world that I will trust she will be ok and that I will listen deeply to the signposts to follow my path to bring her home. I trust I will arrive to get her at just the right time.

We all have a calling in this life and there are certain experiences we must have in order to bring us clearly on our path. My journey through childhood was exactly what I needed to be able to have the courage and strength to move through my fertility journey while holding on to trust and faith. I know my spirit baby has a destiny as well. She hears her calling and knows what path is best for her. During a meditation last Thursday I heard the words "Now that you are committed I need to go do something, but I will be back". She was gone for 2 days. I would call her spirit in and she wasn't there. I was sad and I missed her but I knew she was coming back. In hindsight I know that her leaving was for her and my highest good. For without her absence I wouldn't of had my experience with resistance, fear and pain. Now that I am on the other side of it I fell a sense of freedom, trust and pure unconditional love. I am no longer panicked and fearful to bring my child home in order to protect her. I choose to surround her with my love and she will come into this world feeling unconditional love whether she is born in my physical body through a pregnancy or in my heart through adoption.

I am deeply grateful and I thank you for listening.


No comments: