People assume adoption is an easy alternative

I just woke up from a dream where I had been raising my young adopted child for the last 2 years. We were singing and playing together and we seemed inseparable. As we were coming out of an elevator I saw his birth mother walking toward us. I felt sick to my stomach as I knew something was terribly wrong. She was here to take him back. In my dream I had no control or legal right to hold onto him and I was deeply devastated. As she took him from my arms I broke down crying. It took everything within me to get up and try and go on without him. I couldn't do it! I was too heartbroken. I went to the hotel room where they were staying and stole him back. I began to run and hide. I couldn't imagine my life without him so I took him and ran. That is when I woke up. The thoughts running through my mind and my body were a deep sense of fear and worry.

I had a client last year who adopted a new born baby from the US. After 10 wonderful days of feeding, nurturing and loving her, the birth mother came and took her back. They were devastated. I get emails from my clients all the time and I have to say that this particular one affected me the most. My heart sunk and I began to cry. This particular situation was one of my most challenging things I have had to face so far in supporting my clients through fertility. I suddenly had some fear around adoption. It took me months to really let go and make peace. It was like it happened to me, although I know they were more deeply affected, on some level it felt like my reality too. Thankfully, they were chosen by another birth mom and recently brought home their new baby boy. It was great to hold him and see how happy they were to have their son. More healing occurred for me as well that day.

Many people think that adoption is an easy alternative. People often respond to news about a miscarriage and fertility issues with "Don't worry you can always adopt". It is not as easy as one might think. There are adoption fees, lengthy waits, time, home study, travel to the country (for international) and in some cases workshops you must attend. The costs for international adoption can vary but some can be as high $25,000-30,000 by the time you complete the process. I hear of many couples who wait years to be chosen by a birth mother especially if they are wanting a new born. Of course then there is the comment "well there are many young children waiting to be adopted" but for a mother who's deep desire is to raise a new born sometimes that is not an option for them.

The point to this blog is not to instill worry and fear of adoption but instead to help me clear my own fear and sadness that are present in my mind and body. I use my dreams as opportunities to explore any subconscious beliefs that may be negatively impacting my decisions in life. When I woke from my dream I could feel a heaviness in my heart. I asked for healing. As I go into my yoga practice this morning I will allow the fear to leave my body so I can be free of the worries about what may happen and stay present to what is happening right now! Fear and worry are emotions that stem from past or future events. I choose to be here and now! As I become present I can observe where I am holding negative energy and ask for healing. What it comes down to is that I have 2 choices - I either choose fear or love. I choose LOVE! My ego mind would like me to stay worried and fearful as I explore the adoption process. I am not my ego mind. I am not my fear unless I choose to let it overcome me. I have found a new way of living my life and it is without the ego and fear being my ruler. I know that my heart is guiding me toward adoption and I trust the voice of my heart. I feel better writing about. My writing is part of my healing process. I feel at peace.
Thank you for listening!