Friday, February 26, 2010

Taking the leap of FAITH


My husband and I have been open to conceiving another child for the last 5 years. While I would love to become pregnant I have had a deep calling to adopt a little girl from Africa. I hear the calling in my heart as the voice of my daughter asking me to come and get her. I have named her FAITH, which stands for Finding Answers In The Heart. When I call her spirit to me she gently touches my right cheek. It is always the same gently touch although lately she is also holding my right hand. I know she is already born. I can sense her energy and some days it is weak while others it is strong. I know and trust our paths will cross when it is meant to be. Up until this week that has always felt so far away.

2009 was an extremely challenging year for my husband and I. We are both self employed and his business took a huge hit. Up until last spring we were depending on his salary to barely cover our cost of living. I know he wants us to be in a completely different financial position before we adopt a child. While in my head that makes complete sense, but in my heart I feel torn.

Do I choose logic or do I trust completely in the calling deep within. It is calling to me so loudly that it is showing up in my health. I can't ignore it any longer. I cannot stop an idea whose time has come. I cannot "not" listen to my inner guidance without paying the price in my health. If my heart and mind have any emotional conflict it shows up in my body immediately.

I was guided to explore the internet again last week looking for information on African adoption. I found a website that I have explored before but was guided this time to make a phone call to inquire. I didn't think we would be able to begin the process for another year or 2 because of the high cost of international adoption. I heard back from the agency on Tuesday and after discussing some of my options I suddenly realized that this is possible. It is possible sooner than later. I can actually begin the process with a minimal investment and take the first steps in bringing my daughter home. I had tears in my eyes as we were speaking. HOPE filled my heart and I was overwhelmed with the idea that we could take the leap and begin the process now.

I was excited and at the same time afraid. I know when I set something in motion it will become a reality! I am a powerful creator and when I align with something completely it will manifest. I had to speak to my husband to make sure he was ok with the idea of taking the leap. He has always been so supportive and I know he is open to adoption but he hasn't felt the same calling as I have.

My husband and I spoke about it yesterday evening and he has agreed that we can begin the process of inquiry. We will meet with the adoption agency in March and have all our questions answered and create a plan of action. We could start our home study within the next few months. After the home study the wait period for Africa is about 1 year.

It is difficult to really capture how I am feeling at this time. I have a renewed sense of HOPE and gratitude. I feel my daughter "FAITH" is close and I get a sense of relief from her as well. I know in my heart we will be together. I know we will find a way to make this happen. I will follow my guidance and I will follow the flow of the universe. I will choose love in every moment so that I can stay in alignment with the path I am meant to take to bring her home into my arms. I will not force or try to control anything. I give it over completely to the universe to orchestrate and align all that needs to be aligned as we take this leap of FAITH.

Dear Spirit Baby FAITH,
I love you with all of my heart and we are coming for you! Be strong and hold faith! I will hold you deep in my heart and send loving healing energy to you each and every day! You will remain safe in my heart until the day I can hold you in my arms.
Love you forever and always,
Mom xo

12 comments:

The Womb Warrior said...

omg, Sue, I felt like this was me writing a year from now. I don't really know you, but I am so excited for you to take this leap!

Best wishes,
Jamie (The "Womb Warrior")

Cindy Bailey said...

Sue -
This is very beautiful! I wish you all the best on this journey. (On a separate note, I'd love to hear more about your Yoga for Fertility.)
Take care! Cindy (The Fertile Kitchen)

Sue Dumais said...

Thanks Jamie! I always believe my writing is meant more than just for me. I invite you to take the words that land within you and hold space for your insight to be revealed. I appreciate you taking the time to share and comment. I wish you all the best on your path. Hugs, Sue

Sue Dumais said...

Hi Cindy, Thank you for comment. I have been filled with love and joy all day. What would you like to know about Yoga for Fertility? It is a huge part of my life and my work so I can talk for weeks about it. Have you checked out my website www.familypassages.ca
Feel free to contact me if you have specific questions or post here again.
Hugs, Sue

Isabelle said...

WOW! I am simply speechless. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Sue! What a beautiful journey you are on. I thought something was up since the day I met you... something eating at you inside, a distraction of sorts. Although it was easy to see this energy in you and knew it was likely complex, I always wanted to ask. Thank you so much for sharing your fertility journey, your family's story, Faith's story. I look forward to hearing more about how this journey blooms and grows. With a loving heart,
~Victoria

Anonymous said...

Sue,
I bought your book from Red Tent Sister's in Toronto about two months ago. I really felt inspired by you as I have had primary infertility for the past five years. My husband and I have started the adoption process, but we had one more treatment. I was convinced I was pregnant and was shocked that I was wrong. I am still mourning my infertility and all the things I won't get to experience. I am trying to turn my energy towards adoption. I am trying to continue to "hope" for pregnancy, but also let it go, so I can move on to find my children through adoption. I really appreciate your infertility cards. Surrender really stood out for me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your open hearted sharing of your story. I have felt so alone at times through this, but from your writing, I feel connected to someone else trying to navigate this pain.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Namaste,
Rhonda (P.S.- I am just finishing my 250 hour yoga teacher training...and I will be coming to BC at some time to be trained by you for Fertility Yoga)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sue Dumais said...

Thanks Victoria! It has been 1 1/2 years to be able to finally arrive at this place to begin the adoption process. Although I found ways to manage and make peace, it was difficult knowing she is there and the Mother in me just wants to bring her home. I feel a sense of relief and gratitude that the time has come. Hugs to you! Sue

Sue Dumais said...

Thank you Rhonda for sharing your words here. While my words have given you some comfort yours have given me some as well. I extend my heart to you and wish the best on your journey. When things don't work out the way we intended, it doesn't always makes sense. It is in the "trying to make sense of it" that we remain confused. It is in the surrender that we find peace. Surrender is not about giving up, or even liking the circumstances. It is about making peace with where you are right now in this journey. I know your baby is out there, follow your heart and you will be lead on your path. Hold your vision of Motherhood in your heart! Much love and hugs to you! Namaste, Sue

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a beautiful and inspiring story. Thank you for sharing Sue! It truly warms my heart and I wish you and your husband all the best on your new journey.

~Crystal

Sue Dumais said...

Thanks Crystal! You have warmed my heart as well. I appreciate your support and best wishes. Hugs, Sue