Thursday, February 11, 2010

Remember your Relationship

Last weekend I taught my Transforming your Fertility couples mind body program. It is such a rewarding and heart warming experience to be witness to couples re-connecting and remembering why they are together.

Dealing with fertility issues can affect all areas of your life. As love making becomes baby making and the effort increases each month, your relationship will inevitably change. Some couples become closer while others become distant. Early in my fertility journey I would go back and forth between the two. At one point I was deeply grateful and could feel the deep connection between my husband and I. Within a couple of days I would withdraw and feel disconnected. I began to see a pattern that followed my menstrual cycle. The second half of my cycle was full of fear and anxiety. When I realized I didn't conceive I was devastated for a few days and then I would slowly open my heart to him again as my time of ovulation approached. After the first year, I became numb to his love because I became so afraid of being hurt. Not hurt by him but hurt by the fact that I couldn't conceive and each month that passed felt like another loss.

In the last 4 years I learned to love with my whole heart. Although there are still times I shut down, those moments are brief. With my full awareness I can encourage myself to open my heart to give love again, but more importantly, to receive his love fully. My husband loves me with his whole heart and sometimes that is overwhelming to me. I use my breath to ease my anxiety and focus on softening my walls of protection and suddenly I feel safe again.

In the workshop we do specific exercises that can help you re-connect with your partner. Something so simple like spending 10 minutes to look deeply into each others eyes, can have a profound impact on your ability to see a deeper meaning. It can help remind you of why you chose this person to take this journey with. It allows you to see deep down into their soul and you can discover or remember the deep connection you have with each other.

I have seen relationships dissolve around fertility issues and I have many others deepen. It is up to you to find ways to stay connected. While you may process the experiences differently, you are a team!

I invite you to connect to your partner today. Don't wait! Call or email them and let them know you love them no matter what. Look deeply into their eyes and see beyond all the challenges. Remember the love you have for each other. Tell them how you feel about them. Be willing to open your heart fully! You both deserve it!


Anonymous said...

I find one of the biggest things for me to stay united and loving in my relationship during our fertility journey is my willingness to stay open and share my feelings, yet not expect my partner to be in the same place with me. If I am just open with my heart, I find my partner is there to support and love me.
It is also very helpful to cultivate the positive of our relationship and have fun, appreciate all we have, rather than making having a baby the focal part of our daily living. I find when this breaks down is when I become withdrawn/don't share where I'm at or feel that it's mainly my fertility journey rather than sharing it as a team.

Sue Dumais said...

Thank you for sharing part of your journey. You have great awareness and that is the key to changing behaviour that is no longer working for us. I love your insight about cultivating the positive of your relationship. It is really about making our minds up about something. It is our thoughts that will determine our experience. I wish you well on your journey and send loving fertile energy to you and your husband. Keep your heart open! Hugs, Sue