The biggest gift in my fertility journey

I can say without a shadow of doubt that the biggest gift I received on my fertility journey in the last 8 years was my miscarriage in 2001. Although at the time it was the most painful experience, both physically and emotionally, it was a true gift, because it saved my life. I don't think I would be here today without that pivotal life experience. It woke me up! Suddenly I could clearly see the life I was living and the path I was choosing. It was a dark, lonely and self destructive path, one that would have surely lead to my death. If I had continued down that path for one or two more years, I would not be here today. My body could not have survived the abuse, pain and suffering I was putting myself through.

The year 2001 had such an impact on me. Becoming sober, my miscarriage, the death of my father, the events of 9/11 and on a brighter note, I met my husband. When I look back at the events that year, I realize just how much of a wake up call it was. I was living a life so deeply attached to my pain and suffering that it was difficult to imagine living any other way. It was such a big part of who I was, yet I struggled with knowing deep down that there was another way. I would occasionally here this small voice inside that would tell me "You deserve more than this. There is a kinder path". Thankfully I began to listen and believe!

Here is a poem I wrote a couple of months after my miscarriage. They are the same words I read to everyone at my father's funeral a few months later.

Trust in Love

People come in and out of our lives everyday.

Some impact our lives more than others.

There are those that touch us so powerfully

that we will never be the same again.



We need to cherish those experiences and

appreciate the lessons in our lives.

Each experience is an opportunity to be human.

Each lesson is a step to becoming more aware.



It is human to feel pain, fear and guilt.

It is also human to feel love.

It is a shame to see the walls of protection

surrounding each of us.

They are only shielding out the love we all deserve.



Being open to experience is being willing to feel.

To feel fear, to feel pain and more importantly

to feel love.

Trust in the experiences of your life and you shall

bathe in the love that surrounds you.