The Layers of Sorrow

I just came from an acupuncture session that was amazing and at the same time so incredibly sad. As he started to stimulate some of my lung points a song by Sarah McLaghlin came on that I haven't listened to since 2001 when I had my miscarriage. It was a song that I played over and over and over and over again as I cried all my tears out for a week. I believe it was divine timing. The song at that exact moment allowed me to experience another layer of healing for a loss that was so many years ago.

I felt a lot of guilt, sorrow and anger all at the time. I remember back at the time I felt angry with the universe for taking her away from me. I was angry with myself and wondered if it was something I did wrong to cause it. There was so many emotions and it was the most difficult thing I evered had to face in my entire life.

I have done so much healing around my miscarriage in the last 9 years and I have come to a place of peace and gratitude. I was a little surprised that I was still holding some grief at this stage but, that is how we heal, in layers. The body amazes me every day. I was holding the energy of the loss for the last 9 years in my heart and in my belly.

It was time to let go of another piece. Earlier today I felt something brewing. I had some resistance and almost cancelled my appointment but I know, what I resist will persist, so I showed up. I am so glad I did. I feel lighter and warmer in my abdomen. My uterus feels like a furnace, it is so warm.

What another incredible gift from my first Spirit Baby, Jada! She is still my first daughter and will always be. Our relationship will remain in spirit for now and I can accept that, but it doesn't mean I don't feel sad for the loss of her physical self and our physical relationship. I will allow myself time and space to process more grief, sorrow and any other emotions that come up, so that I can continue to heal and let go.

I want to share the song with you because the words are so powerful. "I forgot to tell you I love you" are still ringing in my ears. The loss I feel with Jada is so strong and I need to honour her visit through my pregnancy as well as cherish her presence around me in spirit.

I believe a Mother's bond with her child is one of the strongest bonds one can ever experience. Through my sessions with clients, I have seen that bond grow and be nurtured in spirit before their baby arrives in physical form. I am deeply grateful to be chosen to help faciliate and to be witness to such beautiful connections.

Your baby to be is around you or can be called in before you conceive. To connect with them and to nurture that bond is prescious. That connection can keep you going even when your path becomes challenging. I know it has for me. I hold FAITH in my heart and HOPE in my hand every day in every way.

Enjoy the song!

Click here to listen to the song and watch Sarah McLaghlin's "I Love You"