Taking the leap of FAITH

My husband and I have been open to conceiving another child for the last 5 years. While I would love to become pregnant I have had a deep calling to adopt a little girl from Africa. I hear the calling in my heart as the voice of my daughter asking me to come and get her. I have named her FAITH, which stands for Finding Answers In The Heart. When I call her spirit to me she gently touches my right cheek. It is always the same gently touch although lately she is also holding my right hand. I know she is already born. I can sense her energy and some days it is weak while others it is strong. I know and trust our paths will cross when it is meant to be. Up until this week that has always felt so far away.

2009 was an extremely challenging year for my husband and I. We are both self employed and his business took a huge hit. Up until last spring we were depending on his salary to barely cover our cost of living. I know he wants us to be in a completely different financial position before we adopt a child. While in my head that makes complete sense, but in my heart I feel torn.

Do I choose logic or do I trust completely in the calling deep within. It is calling to me so loudly that it is showing up in my health. I can't ignore it any longer. I cannot stop an idea whose time has come. I cannot "not" listen to my inner guidance without paying the price in my health. If my heart and mind have any emotional conflict it shows up in my body immediately.

I was guided to explore the internet again last week looking for information on African adoption. I found a website that I have explored before but was guided this time to make a phone call to inquire. I didn't think we would be able to begin the process for another year or 2 because of the high cost of international adoption. I heard back from the agency on Tuesday and after discussing some of my options I suddenly realized that this is possible. It is possible sooner than later. I can actually begin the process with a minimal investment and take the first steps in bringing my daughter home. I had tears in my eyes as we were speaking. HOPE filled my heart and I was overwhelmed with the idea that we could take the leap and begin the process now.

I was excited and at the same time afraid. I know when I set something in motion it will become a reality! I am a powerful creator and when I align with something completely it will manifest. I had to speak to my husband to make sure he was ok with the idea of taking the leap. He has always been so supportive and I know he is open to adoption but he hasn't felt the same calling as I have.

My husband and I spoke about it yesterday evening and he has agreed that we can begin the process of inquiry. We will meet with the adoption agency in March and have all our questions answered and create a plan of action. We could start our home study within the next few months. After the home study the wait period for Africa is about 1 year.

It is difficult to really capture how I am feeling at this time. I have a renewed sense of HOPE and gratitude. I feel my daughter "FAITH" is close and I get a sense of relief from her as well. I know in my heart we will be together. I know we will find a way to make this happen. I will follow my guidance and I will follow the flow of the universe. I will choose love in every moment so that I can stay in alignment with the path I am meant to take to bring her home into my arms. I will not force or try to control anything. I give it over completely to the universe to orchestrate and align all that needs to be aligned as we take this leap of FAITH.

Dear Spirit Baby FAITH,
I love you with all of my heart and we are coming for you! Be strong and hold faith! I will hold you deep in my heart and send loving healing energy to you each and every day! You will remain safe in my heart until the day I can hold you in my arms.
Love you forever and always,
Mom xo

Riding the lows after the high

As some of you know I am very sensitive to energy (mine and others) and this past weekend I was at a Team Northrup Retreat. It was full of positive joyous emotional loving energy. While Monday I was still riding that “high” energy, Tuesday I was feeling the “low”.

I wanted to share some tools with you that can help you during times of feeling the low. I want to acknowledge that it is normal to feel these dips but it is what you do during these times that will determine how long the "low" will last.

Let me first explain if from an energetic experience. It might help to see your self surrounded by a balloon that over the weekend was inflated bigger than before and then it deflating to a smaller size than it was to begin with. I am referring to your aura (the energy field that surrounds you). It is common to feel good or “high” at the event; this is your aura inflating, filling up and expanding. When you return to your normal surroundings again you may notice it slowly return to normal or some of you may feel “low” when it becomes more deflated.

Here are some ideas that can help:

1. The most important thing is to create awareness without judgment. While there is an energetic shift happening there may also be an upper limit coming into play (refer to the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks for more information on upper limiting). Be aware of your thoughts, actions and behaviours. Awareness it the first key for change.

2. Practice Acceptance. For example saying something like “I am feeling blah and it’s ok” “I am where I am and it’s ok”. Doesn’t mean you like how you feel, it just means that you can make peace with it. Otherwise you end up in a cycle of self defeating judgment.

3. Be gentle and kind with your SELF. Practice good self care (take a bath, rest as needed without guilt, call a friend, journal).

4. Meditation: Find stillness and observe your breath for at least 1-2 minutes. Ground your energy by imagining yourself deeply connected to the earth. You can visualize a light extending from your tailbone deep down into the earth and branching off like the roots of a tree. Release any negative energy or thoughts down the grounding cord to be recycled by the earth.

5. I invite you to listen to this recorded exercise to cleanse your aura. It will help remove any negative energy and fill you back up with positive energy. Click on the link to listen online. Click here to listen. I listened to it myself and I felt after. I love how I get to be my own student with today's technology.

6. Stay hydrated! Drink lots of water and avoid caffeine and alcohol. Dehydration will make you feel worse.

7. Realize it is only temporary and if you can encourage gentle and kind thoughts you will get through it sooner.

While there are many highs and lows in your fertility journey these tools can be used in any situation in your life where you feel your energy is low.

It all begins with making a commitment to do something different and being willing to take the first step to shift from where you are to where you want to be.

Fertility Yoga is a Healing Community

This is an article that I wrote as a guest blogger for Stress Free Infertility.


Fertility Yoga is a Healing Community
The main reason I created and starting teaching a Fertility Yoga class was to support my own health and wellbeing. In the depth of my own fertility challenges, I was becoming more and more disconnected, depressed and isolated. Although my husband was very supportive he just couldn’t understand the extent of my grief. I felt misunderstood and at times, I thought I was actually losing my mind. I watched myself spiraling out of control and realized that I needed to shift something quickly.

The first class I taught filled up with little effort. Women were nervous and at the same time relieved to find some support. I experienced such a warm comfort as we shared our experiences with each other and I realized that I wasn’t alone and that other women were on a similar emotional roller coaster.

We all had such a profound experience in the first session of classes and I discovered a community of support that gave me HOPE! Within months I opened Family Passages Mind Body Studio where I continued to teach Yoga for Fertility classes as well as private yoga therapy session and a Couples Mind Body Program. I was touched by the impact the space had for women and couples and I was grateful to witness such amazing transformations in such a short period of time.

The classes provide a space for healing the mind, body and spirit. The yoga postures help support the body by reducing the effects of stress and improving blood flow to the reproductive organs. Each posture is held for 3-5 minutes and accompanied by a dialogue specific to fertility. The class allows for a deep experience of the posture and fosters a level of healing that miracles are made of.

I love to witness women coming in the door feeling defeated, confused and stressed and by the end of the class they leave feeling relieved, calm and supported on their journey. It is the most rewarding class as an instructor that I have ever taught in my 18 year career. It is like a yoga support group. There is comfort just walking in the door and realizing they are not alone. There is peace in re-connecting to their own inner guidance/intuition as they realize they no longer need to desperately seek answers outside of themselves.

They begin to befriend their body again, follow their guidance, find a sense of calm and discover a strength that will help them through their journey. I watch them come alive as they begin to take back control of their life. The learn how to identify and process their emotions and they use the mind body tools to shift their experience outside the class. They bring their yoga practice off the mat and into their lives each day, and their experience of fertility shifts and transforms.

Most importantly I don’t see women as “infertile” or “broken” or “failures”.

I see women as the Mothers I know they are.

I hold FAITH for them!

I BELIEVE in them, no matter what!

You can be a Mother! I know with my whole heart, that one way or another, you too, will bring your baby home into your arms. I will hold FAITH for you until you BELIEVE it as deeply as I do! Because when you BELIEVE something is possible, impossible is nothing.

Can't Ignore this Deep Calling

In my acupuncture session yesterday I became aware of tension in my sternum and upper abdomen. As I explored the tension a little deeper and asked what message my body was trying to tell me I felt a deep calling that I had put aside for the last few months.

I have managed to put my desire to adopt from Africa aside as I focus on my own health, building my business and creating residual income. Everything I am doing right now is preparing for the next step of my fertility journey. I am doing what I can to create a foundation in my business so that I have will have the financial freedom to travel and volunteer at an orphanage in Africa and ultimately adopt and bring my little girl home.

I have put it aside because it was difficult for me to deal with the idea that my little girl is there and I can't go and get her. I know in my heart she is already born and there are times in my meditation that I feel her calling me. When I tune into her energy some days it is very weak and it makes me very sad. So I realized when I say that I have put it aside, what has really happened is that I am burying it because it is too painful to face. I cannot ignore this calling deep inside me and when I tried it eventually shows up in my body. The body doesn't lie. My words and the feelings I had were not in alignment. While I was convincing myself I was ok, deep down I was not.

So where do I go from here? Do I continue to feel bad about circumstances I can't change? There is part of me that trusts everything will play out the way it needs to for everyone's highest good but as a Mother waiting to bring her child home, it is difficult. Especially knowing the potential dangers and challenges she is living.

After speaking to my best friend Lisa, I realized that as a Mother and a Healer I can stay connected to my little girl in spirit. I have the ability to tune into her energy by distance, but instead of feeling sad about it, I will send her distance energy healing. It will allow me to stay connected to her and at the same time help her on her journey in Africa. I feel like I am doing something to help her and influence her life. I will hold her in my heart until I can begin the process to bring her home into my arms.

Remember your Relationship

Last weekend I taught my Transforming your Fertility couples mind body program. It is such a rewarding and heart warming experience to be witness to couples re-connecting and remembering why they are together.

Dealing with fertility issues can affect all areas of your life. As love making becomes baby making and the effort increases each month, your relationship will inevitably change. Some couples become closer while others become distant. Early in my fertility journey I would go back and forth between the two. At one point I was deeply grateful and could feel the deep connection between my husband and I. Within a couple of days I would withdraw and feel disconnected. I began to see a pattern that followed my menstrual cycle. The second half of my cycle was full of fear and anxiety. When I realized I didn't conceive I was devastated for a few days and then I would slowly open my heart to him again as my time of ovulation approached. After the first year, I became numb to his love because I became so afraid of being hurt. Not hurt by him but hurt by the fact that I couldn't conceive and each month that passed felt like another loss.

In the last 4 years I learned to love with my whole heart. Although there are still times I shut down, those moments are brief. With my full awareness I can encourage myself to open my heart to give love again, but more importantly, to receive his love fully. My husband loves me with his whole heart and sometimes that is overwhelming to me. I use my breath to ease my anxiety and focus on softening my walls of protection and suddenly I feel safe again.

In the workshop we do specific exercises that can help you re-connect with your partner. Something so simple like spending 10 minutes to look deeply into each others eyes, can have a profound impact on your ability to see a deeper meaning. It can help remind you of why you chose this person to take this journey with. It allows you to see deep down into their soul and you can discover or remember the deep connection you have with each other.

I have seen relationships dissolve around fertility issues and I have many others deepen. It is up to you to find ways to stay connected. While you may process the experiences differently, you are a team!

I invite you to connect to your partner today. Don't wait! Call or email them and let them know you love them no matter what. Look deeply into their eyes and see beyond all the challenges. Remember the love you have for each other. Tell them how you feel about them. Be willing to open your heart fully! You both deserve it!