babymaking versus lovemaking

I can tell you that this topic is something that I discuss with many of my fertility clients. I know for me the minute we decided to start "trying" to get pregnant lovemaking became babymaking. In the beginning it seemed fun and exciting. We would joke about timing intercourse and it seemed light and harmless. As the months began to pass it became more of a chore. I remember saying to my husband one night "I know your tired, I'm tired too. I just need a deposit." How romantic!

Months of babymaking can impact the intimacy in your relationship. I remember I would avoid any contact after ovulation for fear of interfering with implantation. I didn't want to rock the boat. Eventually the only time I would allow my husband to touch me was right around ovulation. I would avoid him all other times in the month. Our relationship became very strained and we would drift apart for weeks and sometimes months at a time.

It was helpful for me to discover that, in most relationships, men need intimacy to feel connected while women need to feel connected in order to be intimate. We began to make a conscious effort each time we felt ourselves drifting apart to re-connect. Something as simple as me saying "I feel disconnected, can we talk about it?" would open the door for communication.

Your fertility journey can definitely affect your relationship on many different levels and it requires awareness, willingness and a conscious effort to keep it nurtured.

Here are some things that can help:
1. Schedule a date night each week. Each of you take a turn planning it. You don't have to spend a lot of money. Plan a special dinner at home with candles and music. Go for a long walk in nature together. Be creative.

2. Appreciate what they are doing for you each day. I make my husband's lunch each day and when he makes a point to thank me, I feel appreciated.

3. Find one thing you are grateful for about your partner and share it at bedtime with each other. This helps you remember why you chose your partner and also helps them feel appreciated. If you do this each night it can help you stay connected.

Remember babies are conceived out of your love for each other. When you are together feel the love between you and invite your baby into your hearts. After all, the heart is the first womb. As you open your heart to your partner, you open your heart to your baby to be.