Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not about anyone else but YOU! Unforgiveness is a toxin in your body that will continue to poison you until you make a conscious effort to forgive and let go. Forgiveness is not about proving right or wrong, in fact, it is not about anyone else. While you may need to forgive another person for what they said or did to you, the act of forgiveness is giving you freedom to take back your power.
When I reflect back on my miscarriage I remember being so angry with the Universe for taking my baby from me. Then I was angry with my Self. After working on several levels of forgiveness I realized I was angry with my baby for leaving. Of course as soon as I became aware of that, I turned from anger to guilt for even thinking that thought. The pain and resentment showed up as tension in my lower belly and pelvis. There can be many layers to forgiveness and depending on the circumstances you may need to forgive in layers. In other situations it is as simple as making a conscious choice to forgive.
Many of my clients hold resentment toward a doctor for treating them poorly or for not being empathic to their emotions around fertility. Some are angry with friends and family for the lack of support, for not "getting it" and perhaps for unsupportive comments that felt hurtful or insulting. Some have trouble forgiving themselves for their past and decisions that they continue to carry guilt and shame around, such as an abortion when they were younger. Whatever it is, those negative emotions are a toxin in your body that will cause unnecessary tension in your body and lead to pain and other health issues.
These are three pillars of forgiveness that I learned in my training with Paul Martinelli that was based on the teachings of the Dalai Lama.
1. Separate the person from the behaviour. If you can see yourself forgiving the person not the behaviour you might find it easier. When I was sexually abused as a child it was difficult to let go of my attachment to the pain and suffering it caused so I blamed the individuals for a long time. When I separated the behaviour from the individual I became more compassionate. My dialogue became "Wow they must have experienced some deep pain in their life to do that to a 5 year old child." Forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was right, it is about letting go of the resentment and taking your power back.
2. Recognize that you don't know the whole Truth. You can create a story of why they did what they did but you really have no idea and in many cases neither do they. Many people have trouble dealing with their own pain so they project it on others. Many people live their life in fear and have no idea how to love. Let go of the story you are telling yourself and take ownership for your feelings. This is where you take back control.
3. Ask for help releasing the toxin of unforgiveness. Whether you write a poem, a letter (that you don't send), pray, blog, release the pain and resentment to the universe or God for healing. Whatever you need to do to let go. Just know that you don't have to do it all alone! There are others out there to support you.
I invite you to look at your life and see if there is an area or someone you need to forgive. If you need help with the process feel free to contact me or leave a comment. You are not alone! We all need to forgive so perhaps if we join together and each week commit to forgiving one thing or one person we can support each other as we slowly step back into our personal power.
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1 comment:
This week I will forgive my Self for not being "good enough". My old self critic and perfectionist is showing up in my life at this time so I need to create awareness, practice acceptance and my action is to forgive my Self. As I forgive my Self I create space for self compassion. I can recognize it as a deep seeded belief and I can challenge it because in my heart I know it is not true.
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