The Layers of Sorrow

I just came from an acupuncture session that was amazing and at the same time so incredibly sad. As he started to stimulate some of my lung points a song by Sarah McLaghlin came on that I haven't listened to since 2001 when I had my miscarriage. It was a song that I played over and over and over and over again as I cried all my tears out for a week. I believe it was divine timing. The song at that exact moment allowed me to experience another layer of healing for a loss that was so many years ago.

I felt a lot of guilt, sorrow and anger all at the time. I remember back at the time I felt angry with the universe for taking her away from me. I was angry with myself and wondered if it was something I did wrong to cause it. There was so many emotions and it was the most difficult thing I evered had to face in my entire life.

I have done so much healing around my miscarriage in the last 9 years and I have come to a place of peace and gratitude. I was a little surprised that I was still holding some grief at this stage but, that is how we heal, in layers. The body amazes me every day. I was holding the energy of the loss for the last 9 years in my heart and in my belly.

It was time to let go of another piece. Earlier today I felt something brewing. I had some resistance and almost cancelled my appointment but I know, what I resist will persist, so I showed up. I am so glad I did. I feel lighter and warmer in my abdomen. My uterus feels like a furnace, it is so warm.

What another incredible gift from my first Spirit Baby, Jada! She is still my first daughter and will always be. Our relationship will remain in spirit for now and I can accept that, but it doesn't mean I don't feel sad for the loss of her physical self and our physical relationship. I will allow myself time and space to process more grief, sorrow and any other emotions that come up, so that I can continue to heal and let go.

I want to share the song with you because the words are so powerful. "I forgot to tell you I love you" are still ringing in my ears. The loss I feel with Jada is so strong and I need to honour her visit through my pregnancy as well as cherish her presence around me in spirit.

I believe a Mother's bond with her child is one of the strongest bonds one can ever experience. Through my sessions with clients, I have seen that bond grow and be nurtured in spirit before their baby arrives in physical form. I am deeply grateful to be chosen to help faciliate and to be witness to such beautiful connections.

Your baby to be is around you or can be called in before you conceive. To connect with them and to nurture that bond is prescious. That connection can keep you going even when your path becomes challenging. I know it has for me. I hold FAITH in my heart and HOPE in my hand every day in every way.

Enjoy the song!

Click here to listen to the song and watch Sarah McLaghlin's "I Love You"

What are you grateful for?

Gratitude is a feeling that can fill your heart and warm you from the inside out. I remember earlier in my fertility journey that it was very challenging to find anything to be grateful for. I was constantly focusing on what "wasn't working" to help me conceive. I was constantly questioning everything that I thought was "going wrong" and wondering if it was all my fault. It was difficult to find anything to be grateful for.

My fertility journey today is quite different. I know that if many of my clients as well as myself can get to this point where we can live and enjoy life through our fertility, you can too!

Gratitude is a powerful tool to transform negative self talk. When you practice gratitude you begin to see more things to be grateful for. At one point I was writing in a gratitude journal. Each night I would find 3 things I was grateful for that day and I would write them down. I would also invite the "feeling" of gratitude into my heart. Words don't mean anything until you invite the feeling and emotion behind them into your body. Some nights I would share with my husband which made me feel it even more.

Suddenly I began to feel a shift and was feeling deep gratitude throughout the day. One evening when I was driving home from the studio I saw the most beautiful moon. It was very low in the sky and it was the biggest most brightest moon I had ever seen. I was so deeply touched, it brought tears to my eyes. There were many night I would have dreams filled with gratitude. A simple exercise shifted so much in my life. Today I feel gratitude everyday.

I invite you to begin right now and find one thing you are grateful for in your fertility journey. I am deeply grateful for my husband's patience and love. Through the ups and downs and chaotic moments, he was always there for me. Even when he didn't understand I could always count on him.

What is one thing you are grateful for? Invite the feeling of gratitude into your heart. Allow yourself to feel it deeply!

Here is a poem I wrote several years ago on Gratitude.

Gratitude
By: Sue Dumais

I am grateful for my body and all that it can do.
I trust my inner wisdom and I am grateful for that to.

There is always more to learn each and every day.
I am open to deep listening and hearing all you say.

I am grateful for my breath and the rhythm it creates.
The more I stop and listen, the less I sit and wait.

There are teachers all around us if we are open to receive.
There are gifts in every moment if only we believe.

I am grateful for my life and all that it can bring.
I have found a voice for toning and with confidence I sing.

I have found a sense of freedom that came from deep inside.
I surrender to the stillness and no longer need to hide.

Are you thoughts Fertile or Un-Fertile?

Our thoughts are very powerful and essentially create our reality. Everything begins with a thought whether it be a conscious thought (one your hear in your mind as chatter) or a subconscious/habitual thought (repetitive tape playing in the back of our minds).

Awareness is the key to transforming your reality and it is sometimes helpful to begin with observing your thoughts. Here is the path that occurs for each of us with or without our realization.

Thought-->Emotion-->Physical Response in the Body
Negative thought = negative emotion = negative response in the body
Positive thought = positive emotion = positive response in the body

Take a moment to reflect on your fertility journey and the dialogue or chatter you have going on in your mind each day. How many times have you referred to yourself or something you did as "stupid"? Recently when I was teaching my Yoga for Fertility class I heard someone refer to something they said or did as "stupid". Some of the women in the support group did as well. When you have this dialogue in your head or out loud you are essentially calling yourself "stupid". Imagine someone you love telling you that you are stupid. I am sure you would agree that wouldn't feel so good. So why is it ok for you to tell yourself that? Why do we insist on being so critical to self?

Now lets shift to your fertility journey. I have heard the following from many clients
"my eggs are too old"
"I waited too long"
"I have unexplained infertility so no one knows what's wrong"
"I have to try everything but I know it will probably never happen"
"It's all my fault. If only I ..."

All of these words are negative and it brings the focus on what isn't working, what is wrong or possibly wrong, what didn't work, regret, worry, anxiety, fear, confusion etc. When you continue to tell your fertility story using these words you are creating tension and tightness in the physical body and increasing the stress response. Remember stress takes the blood supply away from the digestive and reproductive systems. When someone gets a result of "unexplained infertility" they are disappointed that they don't know what's "wrong". Why not celebrate that they didn't find anything? If you could turn your thoughts to celebrating the fact that according to western medicine there is "no physical reason" interfering with your ability to conceive. That is good news, isn't it?

When you continue to do what I call "un-fertile thinking" you move further away from your desire. An un-fertile thought leads to a negative emotion which then leads to tension in your body. Energetically you are lowering your vibration and moving further away from your desire. Women are worried about creating false hope so they use these words to keep them safe from disappointment but they will experience more and more disappointment because their thoughts are creating their reality. If they keep telling the story "It will probably never happen, I waited too long" then that will become their reality.

Now it would be easy to add more thoughts of blame and shame and continue the self destructive cycle, but I encourage you to stop that cycle by using awareness.

Begin to tell a different story. For example, I use to speak a lot about my miscarriage being the most devastating experience of my life, while that story is still true, I choose to say "my miscarriage saved my life and it woke me up to a new way of living and for that I am grateful." When I tell my story this way my energy rises and I become a vibrational match to love, joy and happiness. I feel better and I can fill my heart with gratitude and in turn I see more things in my life to be grateful for. My eyes are open to see what I appreciate versus stuck in a story that feels so "unfair" and painful.

I choose to create a different reality by being aware of my current thoughts and choosing more positive supportive thoughts. I CHOOSE every day in every way what I want to experience! You choose in each moment what you would like to create. You do have a choice even when it feels out of your control. Begin with your thoughts and you will shift your experience of fertility.

I invite you this week to begin to observe, notice, be curious about your thoughts and whenever you can, begin to tell a different story. You can tell a negative story or you can tell a positive story. It is all in how you tell the story. Include fertile, positive, supportive, loving thoughts when ever possible.

Free Meditation Room

I would like to offer you this gift and thank you for following my blog. My process of healing involves my writing and I am grateful to have you bear witness to my life. I hope that my writing inspires and empowers you on your path.

Follow the link below to experience voice guided recordings of relaxing meditations and fertility yoga poses. You can listen online or download them for free.

May you find peace within and create calm all around you!

Namaste,
Sue

Meditation Room

Yoga for Fertility Practice at Home

I am so excited about this new year! The arrival of 2010 has given me a renewed sense of purpose and inspiration! While 2009 was an incredible year full of amazing creations and miracles, I am looking forward to what 2010 will bring to life!

I have begun to use my recorded audio classes to experience my own Yoga for Fertility practice each morning and I have to say it is lovely to feel guided, supported and encouraged to explore my fertility journey at this time. It feels so perfect to be guided through my fertility yoga practice by my own recorded words.

In my yoga and meditation this morning I realized just how far I have come in the last 9 years. So much healing has occurred for me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I can honestly say "I feel complete and whole." That is truly saying a lot considering I hated my body and my self for a majority of my life.

It goes to show that if you are willing, healing can occur anywhere at anytime. I believe with my whole heart that you can overcome any obstacle. You can achieve any dream. You need to learn to get out of your own way, to raise your vibration/energy to be inline with what you desire and hold faith no matter what. In finding a place of inner guidance and peace, miracles will happen! I have seen it over and over again through my own journey and with my clients.

When you practice Yoga for Fertility you begin to explore your fertility journey with a new light. You begin to use your own intuition, find your own answers, use the wisdom of your own mind and body to heal as you invite your baby into your life.

If you are unable to find or attend a class in your area be willing to "try" one of my Yoga for Fertility guided audio classes. Experience your journey through your body instead of trying to figure it out in your head. There is so much more clarity and peace when we make guided choices versus desperate choices as to which path we need to take.

You have the ability to heal your own mind and body, you simply need to find the teachers that can help you find your way. You don't have to do it all alone, but you do need to be willing to ask for help and look within to help you find the path you are meant to take in each moment.

To find a Yoga for Fertility class in your area visit www.yogaforfertilityresources.com

For more information on downloadable Yoga for Fertility audio classes visit www.familypassages.ca/programs/listen_online.asp