Pregnancy - At what cost?

I have shared a bit about my own health issues in my previous blog posts but I have just realized in the last few months that a pregnancy right now would put my body over the edge. My health has improved significantly in the last 8 months since taking my Essentials (chelated mineral & antioxidants), Iron and liver supplements but had I conceived in the last 5 years I don't think I would have survived.

I remember after my miscarriage I was so desperate to be pregnant again that I was willing to do anything to make it happen. I thought that having a baby and becoming a Mother would make me happy. I thought it would fill the void, that dark empty feeling in my lower belly and pelvis. At the time I would have sacrificed my own life to do it.

I abused my body for many years. It was like I was trying to commit suicide with my actions. I would watch myself making poor choices and in many cases choices that could have easily took my life. On some level, I didn't care. I didn't value myself enough to care about how I was treating my body. I have done a lot of healing in the last 9 years and my fertility journey gave me a gift so great that it is difficult to put into words. I can say that today I actually care about my own health. I value myself and my body more than I ever have. I feed myself with nourishing food, take high quality supplements for additional support, practice yoga and meditation every morning and every day speak as kindly as I can to myself. I have become my own best friend and it feels good to have ME on my side.

For now I will let go of any ideas of a pregnancy until my health has improved. My health comes first because I am worth it! I deserve it! My body needs some TLC and time to heal the wounds and abuse of my past actions. I have healed mentally and emotionally so now I will continue to heal physically. I owe my body the time it needs to heal on the deepest possible level. My body has carried me through so many life experiences - through times of darkness and times of light. I grew up with so much pain and suffering and all I feel today is gratitude. From those dark experiences comes a deep gratitude and appreciation of the happiness and joy I feel today.

It is in the darkness we appreciate the light. It is in the sadness and grief that we learn to appreciate happiness and joy. It is in the depth of despair and fear that we learn to love with our whole heart!

I open my heart fully and thank you, thank you, thank you from the deepest part of me ~ Namaste