Holding onto Fear - at what cost?

I was awoken at 2:30am with a noise in my house. I got up to investigate and initially thought the cat knock something down. As I came down the stairs I noticed our back yard light was on (motion detector) and I begin to feel uneasy in my abdomen. As I continued to look around I realized the front door was unlocked and the alarm was not set. A full body panic set in. My heart began to race as I looked around the house to ensure no one got in. I could feel the adrenalin rushing through my entire body and I even felt my hands shaking.

Suddenly a full body memory of my experience of our home break in set in. I came home one afternoon to find the front door unlocked and muddy footprints throughout the house showing evidence of the thieve's path through each room in my home. My home was the only place I really felt safe and that one day, everything changed.

This morning after I locked the door, set the alarm, searched the house and went back to bed, I continued to feel a deep sense of panic and worry. As I type these words the tears begin to fill my eyes. Although I have done a lot of healing around the break in of my home, it continues to affect me on a very deep level in my body. Almost uncontrollably. In my mind, logically, I know I am safe in my home. In my body, I feel the panic, worry and fear.

Anytime something like this happens I have a body memory. I notice it and I ask for healing. "I give you this panic and fear and ask for it to be healed. It is interfering with my inner peace. Please show me a different way of looking at this. I am ready and willing to let it go." When I did this process as I was lying in bed I saw myself typing in my blog.

I find journalling is a healing process for me as is writing poetry. I allows me to release whatever I am holding. It is a way of processing out loud and it helps me organize the thoughts that are in my head. The thoughts of panic, worry and fear are not real. They are based on a past event and it is interfering with my peace in the moment. Journalling helps me return to peace. I already feel more calm writing these words and I appreciate having witnesses to my healing process (although it is not necessary).

As you begin to express the fear that is within, you begin to dissolve the power it holds over you. At the root of all fear, there is simply a thought. Your thoughts invoke the fear and awaken cellular memory of another similar fearful experience, which then intensifies your experience of it in the present moment. It may help to recognize that past experiences of fear will continue to show up until we heal that part of ourselves. Whether the fear is due to a home breakin, car accident, miscarriage or loss, or fear of pregnancy, or the fear of never becoming a Mother; all fear is an opportunity to heal a deeper part of ourselves.

So if fear is not real and it is simply a thought, what can you do with it? The good news is we don't have to believe all of our thoughts. See it as a thought, something separate from you. In fact I encourage you to challenge your thoughts and perhaps see life challenges as an opportunity to heal and let go of something from the past. You will begin to feel lighter and more free to live each moment as it comes. All we can know for sure, is what's happening right now.

What's happening now? I feel more calm and peace. I feel deep gratitude. I have done a great deal of healing around our home breakin. It has been a while since I woke up in a panic and I know that each time it occurs I heal another layer. I feel better and I am ready to go back to bed. I thank you for listening!