It has been 7 years since my husband and I have been open to conceive another child. Since following my heart to adopt a little girl from Africa I have felt a deep sense of peace. I explored the fear a little deeper, suddenly I felt a ping in my heart and the memory of a client's email came flooding back to me. Shortly after we decided to start the adoption process a client emailed me calling me a hypocrite. While I realized not everyone understood my journey and my decision to adopt, I never had someone verbally "attack me" about it.
I handled the email with love and grace and processed my emotions the best way I could. I recognized it was not about my decision to adopt but her own guilt for feeling forced as a teenager to give her own daughter up for adoption. I processed it emotionally and mentally but apparently some fear was planted in my heart at that time because shortly after that my writing slowed down.
I had been putting myself out there, sharing so openly and wearing my heart on my sleeve for so long that I didn't realize how much this email hurt me. Since then I have been afraid to blog about the adoption process. There has been a block and I had convinced myself it was because I was focusing on recording episodes for my Redefining Fertility Radio show. It turns out the incident shut down my heart.
Sharing openly about my own fertility journey was very therapeutic and healing for me, for my clients and all the women worldwide who were reading my blog. It is amazing how one incident can have such a deep impact on your life and creep in to affect your life in ways that you wouldn't really see. I felt resistance in writing my book and my blog. It was the resistance that showed up clearly this week when I spoke to a coach about my new book Solving Your Fertility Puzzle. Now that I am aware of it I am ready to face the fear and start writing again.
I will not let fear hold me back from writing anymore. My writing is a source of support and inspiration and I open my heart to allow the message to come freely again. I write from my heart and allow the messages to come through me. Some people will appreciate my words and others won't. All I need to do is follow my heart and the words will land where they need to land.
My book Solving Your Fertility Puzzle will be completed soon as I am committing to working with a coach. I can share my story openly along with the mind body tools that I have used to help countless women and couples worldwide.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you and I hope it continues to inspire you!
Hugs,
Sue
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6 comments:
Sue, you help me so much on my journey. Please continue the radio show. Don't let one disgruntled viewer get you down.
Sue, thank you for this post. A friend shared it with me in light of something I went through on my own blog recently. I am not on a fertility journey but I suppose I write about similarly emotive things - health, fitness, weight loss, personal discovery. Like you I have shared the ups and downs of that personal journey on my blog for nearly seven years and I have worn my heart on my sleeve and allowed readers in to my life in the hope that it will help them. But sadly, like you, I have had backlashes every now and then and the most recent one was quite horrible. I got some very nasty comments (anonymous of course but this person claimed to have known me in the past) filled with vitriolic spite and unfair judgements on me, my character and decisions I have made over the course of my journey. Not only did they attack me but they attacked my family as well; some of the things they said were so horrible they aren't worth repeating.
Like you, I processed it and tried to put it out of my head but it left me utterly terrified of writing anything even remotely personal on my blog for fear of more nastiness and judgement. My post frequency went way down and when I did write I only wrote about things I could detach myself from - running, yoga, healthy recipes, that kind of thing! Anything about what I was truly feeling and thinking stayed firmly locked away. This is tragic, I know, not only because the blog is MY space to do what I like in but because negative comments on my blog are actually quite rare. For the most part the feedback is overwhelmingly positive. I have had emails from people all over the world telling me what a beacon my blog is and how much me sharing my journey has helped them. It sounds like it's the same for you. But I know how hard it is to keep the focus on the good stuff when you get attacked in such an unfair way by someone who quite clearly has a lot of issues of their own and feels ok about taking it out on you.
I just want to let you know that I do sympathise and I'm glad you've decided to put the judgemental comments in that email behind you and keep writing and sharing. You are quite right - we can only write the truth of our own hearts, which some will appreciate and others won't. We can't let the few that don't get it get in the way - it isn't our problem, we're here to write for those that DO get it. The only remedy for fear is action!!
I am inspired by your example. Thanks again for sharing this :)
Thank you for your words of encouragement anonymous! There are valuable lessons in every challenge and one client's comments will not stop me from sharing. Now that I have become aware of my block there is no stopping me especially when I know in my heart I am helping so many by sharing my journey. Thank you!
Thank you "philippa_moore" for sharing your experience with me. It is comforting to know there are others who are creating a positive impact by sharing from their heart. Yes it leaves us more vulnerable to those who are not meant to hear our message and/or those who are not ready to hear our words. All we can do is follow our heart and speak our TRUTH and as we do we show others that vulnerability is a strength. We become the lighthouse guiding others to stand in their power and speak their TRUTH no matter what others think or believe. We choose to focus many we are touching versus the few that are unhappy. It doesn't matter where you look, what matters most is what you see. Keep sharing, continue to inspire and raise hope and awareness to all your readers. The world needs us both now more than ever! Namaste~
Sue you helped me tremendously. Don't. Let other peoples judgement shift your gift that you have given all of us. You and your husband make the decisions that are right for you, everybody has a different journey. Some end with having a baby, adoption or neither. I'm sure you used a lot of what you know and have taught in your decision. I know I used your info and I used ivf too to finally get pregnant. I'm a nurse so medical ways are ok with me but I embrace all natural ways to help and go hand in hand with trying to get pregnant. Not everybody chooses that and that's their decion. Stay strong and blog. You have a true gift!
Thank you anonymous! Yes I will continue to write and share my journey with everyone. Now that I have become aware of the block I have been able to process it and release it with love. I appreciate your comment and encouragement and I am even more grateful that you have benefited from me sharing. You are right we all have our own unique path to becoming parents and all we can do is follow our heart. I am so excited that you found your path. Congratulations! Big hugs ~ Sue
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