Sunday, August 16, 2009


It is common on your fertility journey to feel out of control. To feel like everything around you depends on whether you conceive or not. To believe that you have no control and that you are a victim of your circumstance. You try and try and try and nothing seems to work. It is common to blame yourself and others. This can lead you on a very dark path which becomes heavier and heavier, darker and darker as each month passes.

There are moments on your fertility journey that may feel like you have no choice. It may often feel like everything is spiraling out of control. What if your fertility challenge was really an opportunity? Now I know there may be some part of you that suddenly speaks up and wants to argue that point. A voice that is strong and loud. A part of you that feels threatened when you consider that your fertility is not defining you. That voice is your EGO mind, your habitual mind that is attached to pain and suffering.

The EGO mind is your inner voice of fear. It is governed by your habitual mind/subconscious mind. Remember 95% of the thoughts you have each day are thoughts playing like a tape in the back of your mind that you don't physically hear. That tape is an ongoing playback of your deep seeded beliefs about yourself and your life. For example, one my my messages would be "you don't deserve happiness". You can almost visualize it as someone whispering into your ear the same messages over and over and over again even as you sleep.

So how do you begin to change the inner tape of your habitual mind? You begin by becoming more conscious or aware of your thoughts, be curious about the choices you make, use emotional triggers as opportunities to look within and recognize that you have the power to change your mind and thoughts.

Everyday you can listen to the voice of your EGO mind (fear) or the voice of your inner guidance (love). It may help to picture 2 little figures on your shoulders. One is sending you messages of fear "your getting old, your biological clock is ticking, you better act fast or you will never have a baby" the other is sending you messages of love "come this way, be gentle and kind with yourself".

Most of us listen to the voice of EGO because that is what we are taught, that is what is familiar and the voice of FEAR is loud and much more obvious. We created our EGO mind so the good news is we have the ability to make a different choice. My EGO has comforted me most of my life. When I was anorexic my EGO would encourage me not to eat. When I lived most of my life in pain - physically, mentally and emotionally, it was my EGO that encouraged me, supported me and comforted me. It was familiar, therefore it was comforting. It was all I knew.

Yesterday my EGO was in control. I felt discouraged, irritated and annoyed. The challenging part for me is that when I see my EGO take over I get frustrated with myself and tend to want to judge and blame myself. My EGO gets tricksy "you know better, with all the tools you have how could you let your EGO take over today?" Now I could have let it continue to affect me as I slept but I know that the subconscious mind can be healed as we sleep. If you go to sleep feeling irritated and annoyed it will feed those thoughts into your habitual mind. If I look at it as an opportunity to heal and deeper part of myself I can change my mind and raise my energy just before I sleep and that will change my subconscious mind as I sleep. So as I went to bed last night I asked for healing. "I am willing and ready to give this up. I place it in the loving arms of the universe and I ask you for healing. Please heal it deep within my body, I choose love". I always end in gratitude. "Thank you! Namaste". I woke up at 5am inspired to write. I feel at peace again. I feel inspired and grateful.

Everyday in every situation, you have a CHOICE. You can choose FEAR or LOVE. Your EGO would have you choose FEAR because the survival of the EGO depends on your listening to the voice of FEAR. It may get louder and more desperate. But in each moment you can make a different CHOICE. What would the voice of LOVE say here?

This is where the practice of meditation comes in. It will help you quiet the mind enough that you can listen for that soft, quiet, loving voice of LOVE. Today I encourage to ask yourself, am I choosing LOVE or FEAR. Neither is right or wrong but generally the path of LOVE is more peaceful and the path of FEAR is more challenging, sometimes even dark.

You can make a different choice. You can take back control by changing your thoughts and your mind. As you listen more for the voice of LOVE you will find peace. That loving voice with lead you on the path that will help you bring your baby home into your arms. You can do this! Remember to be gentle with yourself. Your EGO will feel threatened and may even begin to speak through others. Again, no blame, shift your thoughts to gratitude for the opportunity to look within and heal another part of SELF. Choose LOVE as often as possible. When you see yourself choosing FEAR, gently listen for the voice of LOVE. Close your eyes, take 10 deep breaths. Bring your awareness to the right side of your brain then imagine your could look deep into your heart and listen from there.

If I can do it, so can you! I believe in YOU!

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