Thursday, April 8, 2010

Stop “Trying” to Get Pregnant!

Has anyone ever told you to just stop trying to get pregnant and it will happen? Sure it sounds simple but why would you “stop trying” when all you want is to have a baby. How do you get pregnant if you are “not trying”?

The moment my husband and I decided we would “start trying” to get pregnant something shifted in me. Immediately lovemaking became baby-making and I had an expectation that it would happen right away. After all, I went my whole life “trying” NOT to get pregnant, so naturally when I began to “try” I believed it would happen within the first couple of months. Each month that passed without a pregnancy became heavier, more emotionally draining and exhausting.

As the months passed I began to “try” everything and anything that I read or heard about thinking it will increase my chances of conceiving. It quickly become all consuming and I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I tried and tried and tried, and nothing was working. I began to doubt whether I would ever become pregnant. I began to question everything including my relationship, I felt defeated and desperate.

I decided I would stop “trying” and began “inviting”.

Listen to how different these 2 sound and feel.

I have been “trying” to get pregnant for 2 years.
I have been “inviting” conception for 2 years.

“Trying” feels heavy, tiring and worrisome like you’ve been banging your head against the wall for 2 years. “Trying” also brings up feelings of failure. It’s like you have been trying and trying and you can’t make it happen. You begin to blame yourself, your body, your partner. “Inviting” is the opposite. It feels like you’re doing something positive and productive.

Throughout your fertility journey, it’s important to keep in mind that you and your partner are not the only ones to consider. Imagine that your baby is waiting to join you. Although you may be ready, perhaps your baby isn’t quite ready yet. Or maybe your baby needs some encouragement.

I invite you to stop “trying” and begin to “invite” your baby in to your life. Tell him/her how much you will love them and care for them. Tell them stories about your partner and how you are both so excited to become their parent. Tell them you are grateful that they have chosen you, “invite” them into your heart and surround them with love. Continue to live your life and do the things that bring you joy and happiness. If you are no longer “trying” you will have more energy to live your life and appreciate all that is available to you in each moment. And you will have a greater likelihood of conceiving. Give it a try you’ll be surprised by the freedom it creates!


The Womb Warrior said...

I love this - it made me cry!

After two years of "trying", MFI, and two IUIs, we did get pregnant, and had a miscarriage at about two months. I spent a little over two months after the miscarriage working on healing, and on my perspective and expectations. I told myself I needed to stop trying to get pregnant, and instead, I needed to get pregnant! I started to expect to get pregnant. I changed my attitude, but didn't know what to call it - I was "inviting" it! And guess what - 3 months after the miscarriage, I got pregnant naturally. Now I'll make sure to invite my bean to stay. =)

Thanks for the post!

Anonymous said...

great post sue- just what I needed to revisit for myself in my fertility journey- your descriptions really rang true with ways that I have felt in past months in getting too stuck in the "trying" mode. I will "invite" a shift in perspective...

Sue Dumais said...

Thanks for sharing your comments with me. It is great to hear from you both. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me. Big hugs!

Sue Dumais said...

I am sending positive fertile energy to you! I believe in you and your dream! You are never alone on your journey. Bless you and your baby to be. Hugs, Sue

HiLLjO said...

Kind of neat! I have just changed around 'getting ready for baby' to 'that baby better get ready for us.' We have done so much while waiting and "inviting" that we're as ready as we can be.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post, just what I needed. Thank you :)